Reason #37: You.
"The truth is my biggest problem's you; I want to please you
But I want to stay true to myself
I want to give you the night out that you deserve
But I want to say what I think and not care what you think about it
A part of me loves you, part of me hates you
Part of me needs you; part of me fears you"
- Bo Burnham (song link)
Something about that really resonates with me, I think anyone who has ever created content for public consumption, whether it be YouTube videos, a podcast, or even a blog, knows that feeling.
Much like the line: "You crave the applause yet hate the attention" - Gang of Youths (song link), there's a feeling that I have a need for some form of validation. I want to be told that the posts I write are interesting, that the videos I make are entertaining, and the films I edit are creative.
At the same time, I want to be able to do it in private. I don't want to feel like creating is opening myself up for personal criticism. I want to be able to create on my own terms, without worrying about feeding an algorithm.
I've been fortunate that (apart from one specific video) most of the feedback I receive is positive. I like to think the kind of person my content appeals to isn't the kind who blindly spews hatred just because they're able to hide behind a screen.
It's a fine balance, and one that I often spent far too much time thinking about. I don't think I'll ever get it right. Hell, I don't think anyone ever will, but that's okay too.
Today was a 7/10
This post is part of a series called "The Reason". I haven't committed to living forever, but I find a reason to live for one more day every day. Read the rest of the series here.