George, Probably Blogs

Reason #35: Worries

Sometimes, I worry that I will never know how to be truly happy. After that, I worry that even if I did, I would never deserve it.

By all accounts, today should have been a good day. Hell, it was! A busy day on-set filming, enjoying the finely balanced state of controlled chaos that a movie set is.

Yet - it is on these kinds of days when I lay in bed, look up at the ceiling, and wonder to myself "Do I deserve the good days? Does it even matter, if bad days are also around the corner?"

The truth is that I honestly don't know. Someone asked me why am I so kind to others, yet also so unkind to myself, and the only answer I could muster was: "I feel like I have done something wrong, and I need to make up for it, even if I don't know what that something is."

I don't really have much of a point outside of "I had a good day, and it made me sad", but that's just life sometimes.

Today was a 8/10

This post is part of a series called "The Reason". I haven't committed to living forever, but I find a reason to live for one more day every day. Read the rest of the series here.

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